I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize