It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize