he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
