Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
