So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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