Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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