This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
