I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
