I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
