You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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