My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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