What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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