Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
