i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
