She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
