Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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