he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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