i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
