tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
