Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
