I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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