It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
