I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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