Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
