The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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