yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
