I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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