He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
