if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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