I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
