Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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