Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
