Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
