then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize