do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize