ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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