I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
