Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
