I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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