please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
