White coat. Heels.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
