So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
