I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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