I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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