He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
