When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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