he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
