I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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