I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
