So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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