No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
