I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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