im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You pole danced in your parka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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