he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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