can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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