Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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