Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
