Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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