Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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