we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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