I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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