they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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