Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
