I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so let's talk penis.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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