I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
