i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
