If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
