So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
