Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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