So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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